


Wolf Mother

by Lafaiette



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: After Trespasser, Angst, Blood, Dirty Talk, F/M, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Knotting, Nightmares, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 06:26:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4866515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lafaiette/pseuds/Lafaiette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She imagined their children, eyes glinting with excitement. Ruffled hair and chubby, red cheeks, blue eyes and cleft chins, nose, hair, and lips like hers, songs in front of the fireplace, giggles around the house, tiny hands safe in theirs. </p><p>Fic counterpart to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/4818200">Wolf Father</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wolf Mother

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: this fic contains heavy themes, pregnancy mentions, and the presence of blood.

She saw him in her dreams, a wolf staring at her from an immeasurable distance.

He never changed his form nor spoke to her nor walked closer. He would watch, silent and sorrowful, and as soon as she tried to reach out for him, he would vanish.

She soon learned to stay still and simply return his stare; he didn’t go away then, but just waited instead. At first, she didn’t know for what, then she understood.

So, one night, she started talking. She didn’t call his name nor extended her right arm towards him. She just smiled, grateful for his visit, for the love she could see in his eyes, and the first thing she mentioned was Varric’s new book.

Solas listened, tail sometimes twitching, as Lavellan recalled the most hilarious lines and tried to repeat them to him using the right voices. She giggled when she remembered the pun about him and the Fade and for the first time Solas reacted in a different way. He tensed up, shock visible even on his snout, and before she could ask him what was wrong, he flattened his ears and the longing in his eyes increased.

She realized the sound of her laughter had shaken him.

She wanted to hear his chuckle again and she told him so, her voice small and low, eyes cast down.

“I miss you, Solas.” she added, looking up again, pain in her heart, and for a moment she could swear he was about to approach her. Hope grew in her.

But then he changed his mind and slipped away among the trees of her dream, guilt and love and desire in his blue gaze.

 

\- - - -

 

The next night she had a nightmare.

She was in a forest, unlike the one often appearing in her dreams; fresh wind played with the green leaves, the light shining through them made golden dust twirl around her like small pearls of liquid sun.

She wore a white, rich dress, unlike anything she had ever seen, even in her years as the Inquisitor. It felt like satin under her hand, but it was so light and smooth, it felt like touching water.

Her friends and companions were with her, all dressed in formal, elegant attire. Dorian, with his crystal around his neck, was applauding and grinning, eyes twinkling with joy; Cassandra and Josephine were on the verge of tears, excitement practically oozing from their skin; Blackwall and Varric were proud like a father, Cullen like a brother, Leliana’s blessing shone in her smile. Bull was roaring his congratulations, Sera was cackling, loud and happy, motherly love was in Vivienne’s eyes, and Cole was there too, hat in his hands, the happiest of them all.

No, he was not the happiest one. She turned and saw _him_ , standing right in front of her, dressed like a king, a god, with fur and golden armor embracing his body. The metal reflected the sun and he looked like surrounded by a halo of light, his blue and gray eyes staring into her very soul, all the love and adoration in the world in them, only for her.

“ _Ma sa’lath_.” he said, opening wide his arms, taking her into them, strong like she remembered him being. He caressed her face and whispered: “Do you want to be the Dread Wolf’s wife?”

“Yes, _vhenan_.” she breathed out. He had asked her that question before, she remembered his proposal, not far from the forest where they were now, in the rebuilt Arlathan they had helped restore. Memories that were not memories, scenes that were not real, but she didn’t know.

“Yes.” she repeated and they kissed, smiling into each other’s lips, their friends cheering and clapping and laughing.

She felt warm, warm and complete, and all the hardships and horrors and pain of her life disappeared, as if burned away by the sun shining above them. She clung to Solas with her right hand, barely aware of the absence of her left now; it didn’t matter, he didn’t care, she didn’t either. He loved her no matter what, he loved her despite she was a creature of the modern world. She wasn’t anymore, though; now her blood was immortal again, powerful, innate magic flowed through her veins like it was supposed to be.

She could make him proud now.

As sudden as it had come, the warmth disappeared, making her gasp for the shock. She opened her eyes, Solas’ lips no longer on hers, and she clutched her dress when she saw where she was.

Crestwood, in the glade, and for a moment her mind screamed in horror as it remembered what had transpired there.

Solas and their friends weren’t with her anymore; she was alone, just like she had been that night, which seemed so long ago, so lost into time.

She let out a whimper, panic surging through her like a poisonous wave. She looked around and called him, called her _husband_ \- they were married now, weren’t they? Had she done something wrong? Was it her fault?

“Solas! Solas, where are you? Please, _vhenan_!”

The dress felt heavier now, too big and loose for her lithe form, and she stumbled over some rocks, falling right into the freezing pond. She tried to stop the fall, but she forgot her left hand wasn’t there to support her anymore, and her face hit the water.

“Solas!” she sobbed, miserable and shivering, painfully dragging herself to the dry ground. She had hurt her leg in the fall and now it was bleeding. Her stump also throbbed where it had hit the pebbles in the water and her breathing was shallow due to the fear, despair, and confusion burning in her, a cold flame that gave her no peace.

“Look at her.” a voice suddenly said, slow, almost lazy. “What a curious thing, she is.”

Lavellan raised her head with a gasp; three figures were towering over her. They were elven women, but unlike anyone she had ever met.

She had only seen people like those in another place, in a not so distant time, in the Vir Dirthara: the fragments of memories and knowledge kept there had shown her many things and she distinctly remembered how tall, healthy, and powerful the ancient elves were in those scenes.

The women before her now were just like the women she had seen in those mental images: tall, with many curves, their breasts ample, yet graceful and light like her dress had been.

She suddenly felt very self-conscious and hurried to cover her wet, dirty clothes and body with her arm.

“So thin and small.” the second woman mumbled. Their robes sparkled under the moonlight, their hair and make-up so different from the Dalish style, the only one Lavellan had ever known.

“She is also _crippled_.” the third elven woman scoffed with contempt, eyeing her cut arm with disdain. A blush filled with shame flushed Lavellan’s cheeks and no words left her mouth.

She looked down, tears prickling her eyes, as the women continued as if she wasn’t there.

“How can such a pitiful creature be bonded to the Dread Wolf?”

“She is an animal just like he is. They are a good couple.”

“Perhaps, but if she was a slave, she wouldn’t be worth even a single coin.” one of the women slightly bended to give her a closer look. “She has no child-bearing hips and she is positively _starving_. What kind of children could she carry?”

“Little beasts with mudded blood.” another woman chuckled coldly. “Weak and fragile. They wouldn’t survive a month. She probably wouldn’t even be able to carry them.”

“That’s…!” Lavellan gasped, raising her head to look at the women. “That’s not true!”

“She talks!”

“Her pronunciation is _terrible_.”

“I wonder if the Dread Wolf chose her out of pity.”

“No!” she cried, finding the strength to get up. It made her feel worse, because the other women were still taller than her and their different demeanor and clothes showed how different they were from her.

“You two will be good together.” one of the three Elvhen snickered. “A rebel dressed like a beast and his small, weak wife. Perhaps he wants to keep you with him to win the hearts of his beloved freed slaves. They will see one of them in you, for sure.”

“No, they won’t. They might be slaves, but they are true Elvhen. She is not like them. Not like us.”

“I…!” she stepped forward, tears streaming down her face. “I am Elvhen too! I am one of the People!”

“ _You?_ ” the third woman snarled, grabbing her arm and digging her long nails into it. “Your blood and spirit are immortal only because the Veil has been removed! You were born savage and you will die as one! You will never be a true Elvhen!”

“Don’t you dare compare yourself to the true Elves, little beast.” the first woman candidly added. “Just like your precious Dread Wolf is not a god and prefers to surround himself with heathens and servants, you are not an Elvhen and your kin is different from ours. Your immortal blood is a lie.”

“No!” Lavellan tried to free herself from the woman’s grip, but she was strong and magic flashed through her eyes to keep her still. “No, Solas loves me! He loved me even before the restoration!”

“Really?” the second woman laughed, her teeth glinting in the moonlight, white as fangs. “Then why did he leave you _twice_?”

The women approached, pushing her back into the water, and one of them summoned a dagger made of crackling, heated magic. Lavellan gasped in pain, because her leg still hurts and those nails pressed into her arm had broken the skin and blood was pouring out from the cuts.

“He loves me!” She realized she was in a dream now, a nightmare; she knew there had been no marriage, that Solas was somewhere planning the destruction of the world. She knew he loved her, she knew he had never offended and mocked her different origins, her different nature caused by the very thing he had created.

She knew he loved her, that he had always loved her, truly and fully, that he had devoted himself to her to the point of almost abandoning his duty.

Yet the nightmare had trapped her in its domain of fear, pain, and desperation and she saw the dagger shining under the moon, ready to be plunged into her, and she was going to fall back and drown in the cold, endless water…

A howl, then, a long, deep sound that shook the glade, full of rage, so much that three women screamed in terror and stumbled back. They looked different now - not so much tall, their dresses ragged and gray, their faces gaunt and lifeless, demons with screaming mouths.

Lavellan barely saw them, though, her body and mind too heavy; she could feel herself falling, slowly, without sound, while the howl became louder, ending with a snarl, the three women shrieking again.

There was something else there, she realized, something enormous and dark and warm and kind. Something that wanted to protect her.

Six eyes shone under the starry sky, giant jaws opened to eat the three women, then that gaze focused on her and she saw alarm and panic in it as she sank into the freezing embrace of the water and darkness engulfed her.

“ _Vhenan!_ ”

 

\- - - -

 

She couldn’t dream her forest and see Solas anymore.

The nightmares haunted her, following her as soon as she fell on her bed and closed her eyes.

He always found her in the end, chasing away what terrified and hurt her, but she always woke up before she could thank him and find comfort in his real presence.

She missed him and her mind and fears conjured the worst things, making her nights infinite and cold and leaving dark circles under her eyes.

Leliana suggested potions to have a sleep devoid of dreams, but that would have limited the chances to meet the real Solas, it would have completely cut any link, closed any open door she had to find him and stay with him, even if just in the Fade.

So she refused and bravely faced her nightmares, hoping for them to go away soon and let her speak with her beloved in the forest that had become theirs.

Her second terrible nightmare was set in a rich, comfortable bedroom.

They were on a large bed with furs on it, naked, sweaty, his body flush against hers.

He was pounding into her, thick and big as she remembered him being, but there was something different: an unfamiliar lump at the base of his cock which pushed against her entrance. It was driving her mad with pleasure and anticipation and his hoarse, deep voice into her ear made her moan louder.

“ _Ma sa’lath_ , _ma vhenan_.” he groaned, kissing her swollen, reddened lips. “You are so good, so incredibly good.” He changed angle and hit the sweet spot inside her that made her whimper happily and wriggle into his arms. He grinned, lips wet because he had licked and sucked her cunt earlier before, and continued: “I will fill you, my love, fill you until your cunt cannot take it anymore and my seed will stay within you, coating your warm, soft walls, impregnating you.”

She scratched his back, looking for something to hold on to with her remaining hand, and her eyes were lost into his, so deep and blue. They were feral, but also gentle, there was a particular hunger in them, not violent, but not calm either, and she felt him become larger, push deeper into her until his knot finally entered her.

He let out a gasp while she bit her lips, back arching, full, every part of her body screaming in pleasure, screaming his name. She screamed it too when he sped up, the knot staying in even when he tugged at it.

“How many children will bless our life, _vhenan_? One? Two? Three?” he pronounced each word with a thrust and for each one she moaned. “I can already see you, sweet and beautiful in motherhood, and I will love you and worship you for all eternity, _vhenan_. I will lick your pretty cunt, drink your milk, and suck all the liquid gushing from inside you as you come. Will it taste different? Will it be sweeter? Oh, how could it be, when you are already so good and sweet!”

“Solas!” she gasped, her climax close, her pupils blown out just like his. “Solas, _ma sa’lath_!”

He grunted as he thrusted into her again, their bodies making a squelching sound where they met, and he slipped a hand below to rub his thumb against her clit, making her keen.

“Will you let me come inside you even when you are heavy with our child?” he laughed, happy and triumphant, the sunlight entering from the windows hitting his back like golden water. “Oh, my love, you will be so full then! Every part of you will be filled with me and every part of me will be filled with you, an eternal bond nobody can sever.” A final thrust, a final touch on her clit, and she came, calling his name.

Her orgasm flowed through her body and Solas opened his mouth in a silent gasp as her walls tightened around his knot.

“ _Vhenan_!” he moaned, pounding into her, prolonging her pleasure. “My love, we are free now! Free to be with each other, to love each other! No more duties, no more pain, no more suffering! Only us and our blissful life together!” He cupped her cheek and concluded, a prayer burning in his eyes: “Be the mother of my children, _vhenan_.”

She nodded, sobbing with joy and pleasure, and he came, spending into her and calling her name as well, his body shivering through the climax. He would stay within her for a long while, his knot softening only after one hour or so.

They loved that moment. Like always, she wrapped her arm around his shoulders as they regained breath and kissed his bald head. He peppered her chest with little, delicate kisses, and they joked, laughed, cuddled while the light outside slowly became orange.

She imagined their children, eyes glinting with excitement. Ruffled hair and chubby, red cheeks, blue eyes and cleft chins, nose, hair, and lips like hers, songs in front of the fireplace, giggles around the house, tiny hands safe in theirs.

“What would you like first?” she asked, looking at the frescoed ceiling. She grinned, also imagining their painted rooms smelling like forest and sky. “A little boy? Or a little girl?”

She felt Solas’ lips on her breasts, humid, and she giggled, looking down.

“Are you using your tongue again, _ma sa’lath_?”

But he wasn’t moving nor he responded and she gently moved his head to look at him.

“Solas…?”

A scream left her mouth, because his throat was slit open, blood pouring from it, eyes devoid of life staring blankly at the wall, limbs still embracing her gently.

She screamed again, holding his body, and suddenly they weren’t in their bedroom anymore, but on a burning battlefield, their armors tattered and bloody, and the Evanuris were standing in circle around them, grinning.

She had only seen one of them, in one of the memories of the Vir Dirthara, or at least the immense statue portraying him: Elgar’nan, who was now approaching her and Solas, his sneer cruel and satisfied. The others were vague figures without faces, but she could sense the hatred and rage coming from them.

“That disgusting beast is finally slain!” Elgar’nan roared, rising his sword of flame high. “Feast upon his corpse and let us claim this world as ours once again!” He grinned, eyes like pools of darkness, and stared at Lavellan.

“Falon’Din! You may have her!”

A cold, oily hand grabbed her left arm, right where it ended, and she screamed, refusing to let Solas go, refusing to be touched by someone who wasn’t him, refusing to let the Evanuris walk through the world again.

“ _Vhenan_!” she called him, tears in her eyes, as she was roughly pulled upwards. She clung to his body, she kicked and hit the shadowy figure next to her, the smell of death and burning flesh invading her nostrils.

“Solas!” she sobbed, his open throat and lifeless stare stabbing her heart like a knife, carving it out of her chest. “Solas, my love!”

She had realized by now that she was in a nightmare again, that nothing around her was real, but it _felt_ like it was and she couldn’t ignore Solas’ corpse nor the Evanuris cackling and sneering at them.

She kept crying, fighting the hand of Falon’Din, until a familiar howl broke the sound of the laughs and fire.

The six-eyed wolf leaped from out the flames and as he raged through the battlefield, his mouth devoured the false gods, turning them into ash.

He stopped before Lavellan and his gaze turned soft and kind again.

But she was already waking up, too weak and shaken, and as her dreaming body fell limp next to the corpse of the fake Solas, she heard the real Solas call out for her.

“ _Vhenan_!”

 

\- - - -

 

His agents still managed to enter their organization. Leliana punctually recognized them, but Lavellan never gave the order to kill them; she would calmly question them, try to discover more about Solas’ plans, and when it was clear they wouldn’t speak, she let them go.

She always gave gifts for Solas to them, making them promise they would deliver them to him. Their sincere and warm expressions as they swore were enough to reassure her.

Also, she often found little presents scattered around the base, one of the many clues - maybe the main one - that caused his agents to be discovered. It was his way to return the gesture, to let her know that he had received her cakes or books and was thankful for them. Sometimes he made the first step: he sent her gifts before she did it and that made her days extremely beautiful and pleasant to live.

He was thoughtful: he gave her warm clothes, all Elvhen in style and made with care and great taste; he sent her good, healthy food that was too expensive to order now that the Inquisition was disbanded, sweets and cakes that she could no longer afford, precious and interesting books.

A few days after the nightmare with the Evanuris, she wrote him a letter and gave it to the agent they had just found. It was long, describing her days, what she had seen, read, and found in the wilderness; she asked him some questions about the Elvhen lore and language like she used to do back at Skyhold, and if he needed new clothes or something in particular. It was a sweet, innocent message, containing only her love, and she never tried to make him feel guilt nor attack him. She could never do it. She only wanted him to be happy and safe.

Solas usually responded to her gifts after a week or so, but this time an entire month passed before she received a reaction.

She was terrified, afraid of having scared him so much he didn’t dare to keep that contact anymore. But one morning, as she groggily got up after another intense and sad night, she saw a small painting resting on the chair near her bed.

It was his, no doubt, she could recognize his style anywhere, and she cried as she observed it and studied every detail.

It depicted the forest of her good dreams, the one she desperately tried to reach before the nightmares won over it.

There was light in it, light and peace, and she could see a wolf in the background, walking among the trees and looking right at her with the same warm, kind eyes she so loved.

She kept the painting on the small table next to her bed and it gave her comfort during the next nights.

In the third nightmare that most shocked her, she was in a palace, a baby cooing in her arms.

All the rooms were quiet, abandoned. The windows and high ceiling made the place appear bright, fresh, and the furniture, the rich mosaics on the floor and walls, the golden details engraved into the archways, and the beautiful furs in the rooms were clearly intended for a queen.

But she was alone and only the sound of her naked feet on the floor and the noises of the baby filled the majestic, empty rooms and long corridors as she explored the palace.

She could see a garden outside and caught the glimpse of a city made of gold and crystal in the distance, but she was afraid, afraid and lonely with her baby, and all she wanted was to find Solas and stay with him.

“Don’t worry, _da’vhenan_.” she said softly, lulling the little one. “Your Papae will be here soon.”

It was difficult to hold the child with one arm only, so she had to walk slowly, without hurry. But panic grew quickly in her, because Solas had promised, Solas had kissed her forehead, smiled at her, and said that he would be gone only for a few hours, Solas had told her he would have been there with her and their son.

But he was not and the baby was crying now, her heart was beating too fast in her chest, the rooms were infinite and too, too big, the sound of silence was deafening and maddening, and she could hear her too fast breathing.

“ _Da’vhenan_!” she gasped, looking down at her son, whose red, wet face made her worry even more. “Are you hungry?”

She painfully maneuvered the baby to lower her dress and press her breast against his mouth, but he refused her milk and kept screaming.

“Please, don’t cry!” she begged him, her voice breaking. “Please, _da’vhenan_ , calm down! Papae is coming soon!”

She felt useless and wretched, because she was his mother, she was supposed to reassure him and made sure he was fine, but he was not, because his cries were now louder and his small lungs wheezed with every noise he made.

“Solas!” she called, desperate. He surely knew what to do, he surely knew what was wrong with their baby and how to help him, he surely knew a spell…

“Solas! _Vhenan_ , where are you?”

She made sounds at the child, hoping to calm him down, she even wrapped her fur cape around him to keep him warm, but in vain. He continued to scream and cry until she was crying too and openly running through the palace. There was no exit, no door led outside, and she felt alone, so, so alone.

“Solas!” she sobbed, the floor cold under her feet, the light too bright and at the same time dull, dim.

Then silence fell around her again, heavy and dense, and she looked down at the bundle safely pressed against her chest.

She screamed and fell on her knees, clutching the small corpse of her son; darkness filled the palace, whose white walls and rich floors slowly crumbled and cracked, whose rooms became empty shells for the nature to invade and conquest.

Lavellan was left in the ruins, sobbing and weeping over the still bundle, her lithe body wrecked by her wails and laments.

Then the howl came and the nightmare shattered. She raised her head and finally understood what was happening; the pain was still fresh and throbbing in her heart like an open wound, but she knew this was not real now and she watched the wolf arrive with hope and relief written all over her wet, pale face.

But she was too exhausted to keep a strong hold on her dream and she fell, the little body still pressed against her, the real Solas coming for her just a few meters ahead.

“ _Vhenan!_ ”

 

\- - - -

 

Everyone in the organization had noticed the dark circles under her eyes, her tired voice, and shaky hands, but the one who gave her the solution was an agent of Solas.

“My lady.” he said with a bow, handing her some documents and letters. She thanked him, believing him to be a simple scout, and opened the first document, ready to focus on work to forget about the nightmares and the incoming night.

But he didn’t move and kept waiting near her desk.

She raised her eyes from the page, perplexed.

“Yes? Is there anything else?”

The scout nodded and took out a small bottle from his pocket.

“Lord Fen’Harel sends this, my lady. A potion to chase away the nightmares. He personally made it and he apologizes for the long time it took him to prepare it. He believes it should work fine now. One sip only, each night.”

She took the bottle, holding it delicately and observing it for a long moment, before smiling up at the agent.

“Tell him that I am most grateful and that… and that I missed the forest very much. He will understand.”

“Yes, my lady. Remember, only one sip. Once it’s finished, he will make sure to send another bottle.”

“Understood.” She sighed, shaking her head. “You do know you will have to leave now, don’t you? It’s a pity, Leliana told me you were one of our best scouts.”

“Thank you, my lady. I am glad to hear that.” the agent bowed again and respectfully stepped back, but Lavellan stopped him before he could go.

“Wait! Is he…” she stopped, blushed, then asked in a soft voice: “Is he alright?”

The agent hesitated for a second, then replied: “I think so. He is unharmed.” Then he cleared his throat and added, slowly: “He is very quiet, though, and doesn’t eat much.”

“Please, give him this.” Lavellan took a small box she had previously prepared, knowing an agent was going to pop out sooner or later, and gave it to the young man. She smiled brightly and an unexpected laughter bubbled up in her throat.

“Frilly cakes, his favorites. I am sure he will eat them all in a single day.”

The agent looked both pleased and embarrassed to know that detail about his boss, but in the end he bowed again and promised to give the box to him without delay.

When he left, he looked sincerely sorry, but also surprised and even touched by what he had heard and seen.

 

The potion worked. She dreamed the forest again and he was there, not in his wolf form, but in his normal, elven one.

He was waiting for her, hands clasped behind his back, and she burst into tears, too relieved and happy to speak, elated to see him like that.

She sobbed and cried until his arms slowly went around her and she melted into his embrace. He was real, he was not a vile creation of her scared, weakened mind, he was there in her dream, he had found her again.

“Solas!” she whimpered, hugging him back, even if just with one arm. “ _Ma sa’lath_!”

She felt ashamed for those nightmares, for the fears she had shown him through them, but when she raised her head to look at him, she saw only love in his eyes, unconditional, pure, true love, and she smiled.

“Thank you for helping me.” she said. “And for the potion. And for all those other beautiful gifts! I… I never got the chance to tell you before because of those nightmares and…” she sniffled, tears prickling her eyes again, and he gently wiped them away with his thumbs.

“I am sorry you had to see those things!” she hiccupped, biting her lips to hold back the sobs in her throat. “After a while, I started to realize they were not really happening, that my mind was only showing me fake things in the Fade, but…!” She pressed her face into the fur of his armor and his scent, so familiar and good, helped her relax a bit.

“I dreamed those women telling me those things because I saw how different the elven women were in the past and I couldn’t help but compare myself to them. They were beautiful, strong, tall, and I am small, skinny, without an arm, and I am nothing like them.”

Solas held her tighter, one hand on the small of her back, the other in her hair. She continued, her voice cracking multiple times: “I dreamed that palace and the baby. I couldn’t find you and the child was crying, he was so desperate and sad, I didn’t know what to do, I… I felt terrible, useless, but then I heard you and the illusion broke. I didn’t feel like a terrible mother anymore, I knew it was not real.”

He pressed his lips on the top of her head and she let out a small sob.

“I also dreamed you and me in bed and we were making love in a special way, like… like the wolves do-” her voice completely broke due to the embarrassment, but she bravely kept going: “-and you asked me to be the mother of your children and I was so happy, Solas, _so happy_ , but then you were dead in my arms and the Evanuris were laughing and setting the world on fire. I wanted to save you, I wanted to keep you safe, but I couldn’t. I wanted to give my life for you, but I couldn’t. I…” she shook her head, breathing too quickly.

She rubbed her face against the fur, pressed her body against his, enjoying his warmth, and murmured: “I cannot bear the thought of losing you, Solas.”

She heard him take a shaky breath, then:

“ _Vhenan_.”

She gasped and looked up at him. There were tears in his eyes too and one of his hands moved to cup her face.

“Forgive me, _vhenan_. I did not want this to happen. I never wanted you to suffer.” He pressed his forehead against hers and rubbed his thumb on her cheek. “You must never doubt yourself. You are stunning, both in body and spirit, and I love everything - _everything_ \- about you.”

He smiled, a little thing that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Do not fear the false gods, _vhenan_. Even with the Veil destroyed, they won’t be freed again. They will not get their revenge on me and the world. This you must believe.”

He pressed a kiss on her lips, watched her blush spread, and said, his voice timid, small: “As for our children… there is nothing I desire more, _vhenan_. I also dreamed of us together as a family many, many times before.”

She was silent for long seconds, watching him with so great intensity that his face became red too and he leaned in to give her a second kiss. She deepened it - and they both moaned -, then she slowly moved her hand to rest it on his cheek and he leaned into the touch, a tear running down his face.

“Solas.” she said, sure, confident, hopeful, finally without fear. “If I can show you another way, if I can help you restore Elvhenan and save Thedas at the same time… will you have me?” She smiled, bright like the sun above them. “Will you let me be the mother of your children?”

Fire burned in his eyes, the same hope and love that burned within her, the same desire to see that reality come true.

“My love.” he said, cradling her face in his warm hands, and he smiled too, a broad smile that lit his eyes. “Always.”

She kissed him, all her fears gone, forgotten, and only her strong, immense willpower remained, the promise that she would save them both and make sure their future together could become real.

  
After that day, the nightmares stopped coming.

**Author's Note:**

> Solavellan Smut Saturday is not here yet, so I wanted to focus on angst for a little more. ಥvಥ 
> 
> This is the companion fic of "Wolf Father": I wanted to explore Lavellan's nightmares, fears, and desires after the events of Trespasser too. Like in the other fic, there is a hopeful ending here as well, because I am not that cruel. Both fics are inspired by [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Czj7SyPNRto), by the way.
> 
> The next fics are going to be happier, I swear! These two fics drained all the angst from my soul, so I am ready to fully take care of my fluffy side now. Thanks for reading and forgive me for any typos!


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